If you really knew me ...

If you really knew me you would now that I HATE using computers. You would know that even the most simple of tasks somehow always end up going arey in one way or another.
If you really knew me you would know that I LOVE snacking on frozen peas.
If you really knew me you would know that I sleep in the strangest places in the strangest positions you have ever seen. My family wants to create a picture book about it.
If you really knew me you would know that I am extremely self conscious of my blond hair and you would know I hate spelling the word because I dont know how to spell it!!! A blond who doesnt know how to spell blonde. Does it have an "e" at the end or not? I never know!!!
If you really knew me you would know that even though I consider myself to be a cheerleader I DISPISE that stereotype.
If you really knew me you would know that my three biggest pet peves are fake candles, dirty closets, and shopping carts left in the parking lot.
You would know that I LOVE the smell of rain and HATE tuna fish.
You would know that my mom is my best friend even though we fight every night when I dont answer my phone for curfew.
You would know I should be really good at violin because I started at the end of pre school.
You would know I HATE long fingernails but I still get the acrylics just becasue they make me feel pretty.

An unfortunate combination of events.

This tragic event occered on a day that started out with such hope. One summer evening I just got off work at snoasis. Yes, I worked where the worlds greatest shaved ice is created. I was on my way to my friends house after work to bring him a delicious snow cone when I realized my feet were cold. This was what was the cause of the horrific event that occured a few seconds later.
You see, what happened was when I drove to work it was a hot sunny day so my air conditioner was full blast cold. Now that the sun was down and my A.C. was still full blasted, my feet were cold. I though, "Hey, maybe I should turn the cool air off blasting on my feet." A pretty harmless thought right? Normally this thought wouldn't cause any problems but, unfortunately, I was in a construction zone so there was no left hand turn lane.
At the moment I looked away to fix the temperature of the interior of my car, Jessepi, the goons in front of me decided to turn left and being in a costruction zone, they had no other choice but to stop in the middle of the road. All of these events added up just the wrong way to cause a collision. In result, my sweet, poor Jessepi died. He got totalled.
RIP Jesseppi. Your memories will be ever with me.

Happy Mothers Day Wish ...

If I were being attacked by dementors, you would be the thought that conjures my patronus.
Happy Mothers Day!
Love you Mom!

Newspaper Poetry

Technology is out to get me ...

One Sunday evening there was a girl doing some homework on the computer. Courtney here hates computers. They never work out for her. She has no idea why! The only conclusion she has come to is that technology hates here and that they hold secret conventions to plan more ways they can mess thing up for her (Cortney here has a crazy imagination, even though her favorite color is green). So Courtney here is just typing away when suddenly her laptop closes on her hands and she can't get them out!!! What does she do now? She is a girl of course so what does she do? Scream! She tries and tries to get her hands out but nothing she does works for her. She is stuck. And unfortunately home alone. She didn't get her homework done and she cant do it anyway cause both her hands are stuck. She falls asleep and has the most bizzare dream of her whole life. Like most dreams, she didn't find out what really happened but when she wakes up, still with the computer attatched to her two limbs, everything seems slightly familiar ... It is just starting out exactly like her dream ..... uh oh. This is bad.


Questions:
What was her dream?
Is the whole day going to go like her dream?
How does it end?

The Perfect Crime

What is the perfect crime? Let me tell you. You need to start out in India. You then need to tatoo your face to match their skin tones and stick a priceless jewel in your forhead. Once your disguised you are free to execute the rest of your plan. What is our plan? So our ultimate goal here is to sneak into Yohan Vandumeir's mansion and steal as much as we can, including his pet tiger, and doing as much damage as possoble - without getting caught. That's always the hard part. For a job like this who is the best team to have? The mental hospital patients. They'll do whatever you want! Or at least cause a distraction. So you have to break them all out of that prison and transport all of them to India. What do I use to do that? A limosuine of course!! We get on a ship and we sail to India. We get an actual sail boat with a plank to enforce some order around here. About half of them have to walk the plank so by the time you get to India you have about 50 peole left. We borrow 25 elephants and we march them strait to his house. That's what everyone rides in India right? We already have people working on the inside so we get in just like that. We had to cut off one of the elephants legs to feed to the tiger to get him to like us. We win its heart and tell him to be our look out. We walts on in, take what we want but when we are gong out we run into Yohan. what do we do then? We stick his tiger on him of course! But the tiger doesnt like that idea does it? No. Luckily just then the elephants come stampeding right through the wall!! We manage to attatch ourselves to their bellies, with the goods, and whistle for the tiger to follow. The elephants take us right back to our sail boat. We get out to sea but we are being followed by Yohan!! Luckily we already thought of this so we had a secret tunnel for a submarine to connect to. We call for it, we slide on in down a slide (gotta arive with some style) and the submarine zooms off into the distance. When Yohan reaches the sail boat we have all left our "priceless jewels" from our foreheads on the ship which were in fact a time bomb. We didn't want to kill the guy so we had a trap set which captured him in a human sized bottle then the ship exploded!!! He washed up on shore just like a message in a bottle. We are rich, he cant track us. And we all lived happily ever after. :)

The naked truth is always better than the best dressed lie.